Weekend feels

Today is Sunday, which usually means I’m feeling sad or anxious about having to work tomorrow, but actually today I’m really happy… I had a nice weekend and a lovely catch up with my best friend, Emma, on Friday night. It’s always really lovely when we get together because we don’t tend to text or call much when Emma’s at home, she lives in Carlisle which is 56 miles west of Durham/where I live. We obviously let each other know the important stuff and always checking in on each other, but we don’t often have long conversations over the phone. When we do, though, we have so much to talk about and we have a really good conversation about everything we’ve been up to or what’s happened (and there has been so much happen in 2020!). We had talked our way through a bottle of wine and a couple of gins so we were putting the world to rights until about 1am?

Yesterday… Not so good, I can not handle hangovers like I used to. I felt like so tired but I had slept so much. I cried and whinged about feeling so crappy that I managed to spend the majority of the day in my pyjamas feeling sorry for myself… I hate this because I get annoyed later that I didn’t do anything?! I did eventually cheer up when we ordered a Chinese takeaway for our tea. Although I didn’t do anything yesterday for once I don’t actually mind, like I’m not annoyed that I didn’t do anything, I’m feeling so much more relaxed and chilled even knowing I’ve got work tomorrow, I don’t have the usual ‘Monday blues approaching’ feeling and it’s because I’ve finally remembered to take my meds 7 days in a row this week! It sounds like such a trivial, small, maybe even pathetic thing to get excited about but I really struggle with remembering to take my meds & nothing helps, I set reminders in my phone but after a while the notification becomes meaningless because I’ve seen it so many times, I’m not sure if it’s just because I’m weird though? And a really shit adult, like I can’t look after myself… (More than likely to be completely honest)

So guys I’m obviously not feeling anxious/sad about work tomorrow because I’m actually getting the correct amount of medication into my system and that’s impressive for me, sadly, but jokes asside, I am actually so proud I’m finally properly working on looking after myself. I’m feeling very positive going into the second half of 2020, let’s hope that keeps up into 2021 and onwards!

Now I just need to get back into the gym…

Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend! Hannah x

 

 

 

On a good day

I’ve struggled with motivation to do a lot of things recently and so when I do accomplish something it makes me feel even more fulfilled.

I’ve always been a pretty lazy person but since my Sertraline dose was upped to 200mg I’m feeling more lazy and tired than ever. For example I was supposed to have finished painting the house last Friday but I painted a door. In 5 days the most progress I made was painting a door. Just one side of a door, not even both sides. And just to add insult to injury I painted it with the wrong colour. So yeah I just kind of gave up.

I like to think of everything in a positive light. 2 hours left at work? Well that’s only 2 lots of 1 hour and 1 hour isn’t even that long, better than that it’s only 4 lots of 30 minutes, and 30 minutes flies by. You catch my drift. Anyway, this morning I wanted to get up at like 8/9am, I slept through my alarms and ended up getting out of bed at 12… BUT I washed the huge pile of dishes that I’d been avoiding for a day or two, then I re-potted and watered some plants and I painted the kitchen. In 5 hours I made more progress than I did all last week.

Today has been a good day and I’m hoping tomorrow will be too. Hurray to me for making progress! If you complete something when you’re feeling a bit shitty I guarantee you’ll want to complete something else. I’m hoping that I go on a continuous spree of doing stuff, but who knows, everyday is different.